Audience to the Throne

Jude is a lucky kid. He has a ton of people rooting for him in life. Because of social media, his fan base goes way beyond myself his mother and his sister. He has people proud of him that he’s never even met. Just look at the photo below.

Screen Shot 2016-01-04 at 4.04.38 PM

Jude doesn’t even have a Facebook and he has more likes on that single post about him than I have ever gotten in my entire life! I suppose though, that if I had just learned to use the potty…people would probably be pretty proud of me too. I’m thankful though that Jude isn’t really aware of all the people that like him enough to “like” him. If he really knew he had more than 3 people that are cheering him on to use the toilet, I would need a much bigger bathroom. Maybe you’ve heard of this phenomena. I’ve observed two types of humans that do this: toddlers, and drunk 20 something year old females. I’m talking of course about visiting the bathroom with as many people that will fit into it.

I am very proud that Jude isn’t wearing diapers anymore. Buying diapers for two kids felt like we were flushing money down the toilet. Money instead of poop. Now that he’s potty trained, we are spending half as much on diapers. I feel for the parents that have to diaper twins or triplets or anything more than that.  As proud of him as we are though, the next thing he needs to learn is that you don’t need an audience in order to take a shit.

When Jude does need to use the facilites, he announces it so everyone will hear. Often, he will throw his arms up and run past you stating  “I need to use potty!” or the funny as hell  “NEED TO GO POOP!”. No matter how old I get, a small man running past me declaring to the world that he needs to poop will be the funniest thing ever. Then, because he is so short and not quite oriented enough, someone has to follow him in to make sure he gets onto his special toilet seat without dying. A toilet can be high up when you’re just over two feet tall. I think Jude uses this as bait. He knows that an adult has to help him a little bit, and because of this, he then grabs the adults attention and decides this will be his audience, or at least the early birds. He will direct the adult to sit on the edge of the tub with a simple pointing of his finger and a “daddy sit”.  We look at him from the audience, and from his position on his thrown he begins to do his business. Complete with commentary. The commentary is how he draws in his sister. One year olds are naturally curious. Like a carnival barker, Jude stands high on his soap box calling in the masses. When Margot hears her big brother she is drawn in to see what he’s talking about. She doesn’t know what the sentence “Here comes the pee” means. Nor does she understand “I feel the poop.” She’s just happy to be part of the activity. Then, if the entire family is home, Jude will naturally call in the last remaining member. He wants to make sure he has enough people to wish him luck as he begins to push. The following is a not complete list of things he’s said to either draw in a crowd or after his performance has gotten started:


“It’s coming down.”

“I feel the poop, wheres daddy?”

“I see the poop.”

“I poop.”

“Margot wants to see.”

“So proud.”

“Keep my penis in the toilet.”

“Don’t touch the poop.”

“Poop a lot.”

“Big poop.”

“Need toilet paper.”

When he has completed his business, the biggest, cheesiest smile comes across his face. This is how he bows to his audience, thanking us for being part of his…performance.


Like I said, Alaina and I are very proud of him. And not just because he’s saving us 10 bucks a week in diapers.






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