Adulthood is strange territory. A lot of times it feels like we can’t truly plan on anything. Sometimes terrible things happen with no explanation and we’re forced to accept them. The positive about the ratio of terrible to good…is that there is a ratio, as long as we can see it.
This past Sunday I celebrated my 29th birthday.
Hours ago, I finished my last night of working a job I’ve been doing for 8 years. I am now literally “unemployed” for the first time ever.
By the time the sun fully rises in the morning, my mother will have had a chunk of her lung taken out of her body.
The plan, or rather the decision, is to look at the ratio for what it actually says. I am truly a better person with every year of experience I have lived. My mom doesn’t really need the part of her lung that is attempting to kill her. And I’m about to start the next chapter of my life with a bang bigger than I could ever imagine. The true beauty of this bang, and honestly the part that has blown me away, is the kindness of people.
For almost a decade I have been living in a fog. This fog has been very thick with cynicism and negativity towards my fellow human beings. Since we have made the decision to venture out into the great unknown (unknown from our perspective. I am very aware that 99.9% of the U.S. has been claimed and settled, hell we’re staying in campgrounds) the amount of support we’ve gotten from people has been overwhelming. I have had classmates I haven’t talked to in 10 years offer up rooms for us to stay in. Both Alaina and I have had people offer us jobs to “keep us going” when we get back. Friends have offered help in more ways than I can even keep track of. Someone I’ve only talked to a handful of times wished me good luck tonight.
He had no reason to! But I could tell he genuinely meant it.
And the tipping point of this feeling, this very unfamiliar feeling: my uncle, who I philosophically disagree with, told me today: “You know we don’t agree on everything, but we love you guys and we want to help any way we can.”
This floored me. I almost fell off the cooler I was standing on (we didn’t have a ladder). I keep asking myself, “Why haven’t I seen this? Why haven’t I chosen to see the good part of the ratio?”
For every single selfish, shitty, manipulative thing 1 or 2 people show to me, there is an army of good hearted people looking out for us. I have been so wrong for so long about people. I have been living under this rock that says everyone is trying to fuck you over. So don’t trust them, don’t accept their help and don’t you dare let them get close to you. That is very obviously not the case.
I am so thankful for everyone that has come out of the woodwork to support Alaina, myself, and the kids. I am so glad that we made the decisions we have in our recent lives. Without making what sometimes feels like completely insane decisions, I never would have been able to see the good part of the ratio, no matter how insignificant it is compared to the bad. I’m glad that we can teach our children that there is a community that has their best interest in mind. No, it’s not the crazy mothers at the park who put wool hats on their kids when it’s 60 degrees out. And it’s certainly not people who choose to ignore them because they can’t put the past where it belongs. It’s the people we surround ourselves with. And more and more this is a community of people that have no problem with loving each other , despite flaws, despite political views, despite…anything that they could be in disagreement with.
So, thank you.
Thank you to everyone who has told me they’re thinking of our family. Thank you to the people that have reached out and helped us. Thank you to the ones who have wished us good luck.
And thank you to the people who have looked at me square in the eye and said “DO IT!” (You know who you are) You have helped push doubt even further away from my mind.
This is the next chapter in our families history.
Stay tuned for more.