Friday Morning Barium 

The last thing I want to be doing on a dreary Friday morning is drinking a shit smoothie. Fortunately for me, this chemical concoction of crap will let me know if there’s a mass hidden in my body. In an hours time My body will be injected into a god awful machine while another god awful substance is injected into my veins.

The things we do for health.

Letting our minds wander is only natural in the hospital environment. The only thing distracting me currently is the vanilla flavored barium sulfate (2%) that I’m slowly sipping on. The flavor is really more of a placebo effect. In truth, the drink tastes more like bad breath than it does vanilla.

While waiting in a hospital, no one is safe from morbid thoughts. Thoughts like:

At this very moment someone is most likely bleeding to death directly above me.


(spoiler alert) If those incompetent nurses would have just given Derek Shepherd the head scan he’d still be alive.

Perhaps I should distract myself, otherwise the thoughts of my own slow death will just make me more nervous while I wait.

Barium sulfate is not only used as a radio contrast agent.
It also has the following uses:

8 months ago my own body was trying to kill me.

Drilling fluid.

Have I taken my life for granted?

Paint filler and pigment.

If I die today, will my children remember me?

Paper Brightener

If my cancer comes back will I have to have my other testicle removed? Or will it simply decide to stick to another organ and make that one not work right? Will I have to do chemo? Will I get sick? Will I have a job still if I can’t work because I’m in bed from the chemo and possibly recovering from another surgery?

Plastics filler

Have I done enough to prevent this? I’ve tried to live as healthy as possible. Is the chemical barium drink going to give me a different cancer? This compound can’t be good for my body.

Soil testing

My cancer is significant only to me. I feel guilty by the fact that after a week on my ass and a nasty scar near my cock I’ll most likely be OK. What gets me off the hook while so many others succumb to their disease?

Metal casting

They could at least give me a straw that reaches the bottom of the container

Brake linings
Powder coatings
Root canal fillings

Guess I’m glad I’m not at the dentist.


Huh, that’s kind of cool.

Taking care of ourselves often means doing shitty things. Things that make us uncomfortable, like drinking an awful substance or not going for the second piece of cake. Taking care of our bodies and our minds is something we all take for granted. Even with the risk of cancer, each of us has the power to mitigate its chances of affecting us. I feel lucky that I decided not to take my life for granted before I got cancer. And while I’ve made plenty of changes since, I find it ironic that I got cancer after I realized what was important in my life.

Find out what’s important. Don’t wait till you can’t



Questions? Comments? Random tip no one asked for but you’d think I’d find interesting? Use the form below to contact me. Question and answer article coming soon.


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