Reader Question #1.

We are hoping to be parents one day. What is one (or more) of the child activities or items that may be trendy or part of our culture now that you guys could really do without?

I’m going to re frame this question.

There is plenty of stuff that we could ultimately do without. As first time parents, Alaina and I assumed there was a plethora of stuff that we needed to raise our first born right. There were the basics of course, diapers, lots of diapers. Then there were the clothes that our son would inevitably grow out of as soon as he put them on.

There were plenty of items we thought we needed. Alaina was convinced Jude would suffer without a cute little octopus water thermometer. Guess what? the inside of your wrist works just fine at gauging if water is a comfortable temperature for a baby. Teething rings, beads, packets, drops and everything of the like are marketed to new parents with the message that you need this in order to make sure your infant can handle those pearly whites poking their way through their little gums. You will inevitably lose every teething thing. It’s going to fall out of the stroller or end up under the couch. Toss a frozen waffle or bagel at your little spawn and let them gnaw till their hearts content.

In retrospect, we should have tossed the changing table out the window. Burn that shit to the ground and change your babies diaper in the ashes. They wont care. And because you’ll be covered in their foul smelling shit, you probably wont care about a little ash.

I am going to re frame this question, just wait.

You could use your money to buy an expensive tub for their bath, but the sink works just as well. If you’re really frugal, you can use the water afterwards to wash your dishes and flush your toilet.

If your baby is born in the middle of summer (or in a hot climate) you can throw their shoes in the trash. Normally I would suggest donating them, in this case though there is no reason for anybody to own shoes that small. Yes, they are adorable. But unless you give birth to a miracle baby that waltzes out the hole he came from, your newborn baby will have no need for shoes. Trust me, they will get in the way, or fall off while you”re crossing a busy intersection with no time to go back and retrieve them.

What is one (or more) of the child activities or items that may be trendy or part of our culture now that you guys could really do with?

Big Box stores carry many superfluous baby items. They cater to terrified new parents. And guess what, that’s all of us. We can over overflow our carts with thingyamabops and fidget spinners for newborns. We can cram furniture into every single space of a nursery until we feel even more overwhelmed then we already are.

Ultimately, there is only one thing you need. You could literally delete your amazon cart and your newborn baby will be no worse for the wear.

No one sells what you need. And if you find someone who is selling it, be weary.

Our children don’t need the best of this or the trendiest that. They need our unconditional love. The kind that never goes out of style, the kind that never expires. The love we provide our children is never learned from a class. It’s doesn’t come manufactured from china.

Our love blossoms the instant we hold our crying kids while they’re still covered in that nasty placenta wax. The love emerges when we see the creation that was pulled from a body. And the love beckons us from a child that doesn’t start out our own but quickly becomes the only thing that matters.

I’ll say it again. I’ll say it a thousand times. I’ll tell anyone who asks. The only thing your kid needs is love.

Love and diapers.


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